Fear is to be understood

 

 

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 —

This is a loaded statement.

The elephant in the room that people are not comfortable talking about is death.

I believe that anyone who is traveling on a late-stage cancer road, death is a conversation they are willing to have.

Or at least that is my experience.

Mind you, not everyone wants to hear what I have to say about it. And sometimes I walk away, biting my tongue because of the uneasiness that it has caused.

People who know me well will confirm that. 

I am always an open book.

If you don’t want to hear my opinion, you shouldn’t ask me.

My argument if I really need one,

is it is time to understand more,⁠ ⁠so that we may be fearless?⁠ ⁠ ⁠ 

When I say understand more, I’m not saying my thinking is right or wrong.

It is merely what I have found to be the truth for myself.

How do we understand our fear or at least accept our fear?

Inner peace

What brings me peace when I think of my fear “death” as my example won’t necessarily feel the same for you.

I have learned to develop an inner-peace through my experience.

Over time I’ve found what works for me. I refer to it as “my personal way” of mediation.

 

This is the beautiful thing about meditating — 

It is what you decide it is for you.

 

Sitting still in a room and trying to meditate has never worked for me.

 

A few years ago, I noticed that when I was disconnected or found myself in an unfamiliar physical space– my thoughts were less restricted. 

 

I was training my mind to way to drift into a different place.

 

When I have the opportunity to be in the silence of nature, my own meditation process becomes very natural.

Laying in an MRI machine is obviously the furthest thing from being in the great outdoors.

But I’ve learned to trick my brain.

 

Whatever it takes to “let go,” this is when my mind clears of the everyday thoughts.

 

I begin by moving my thoughts to gratitude.

 

I use memories that bring my loving, grateful, and peaceful moments.  

This helps my mind to go from one grateful thought to another.

 

Each time I’ve had the opportunity to travel, I collect memories specifically to recall for a needed time.

This works well for me.

When I need to, I can mentally and emotionally travel to different destinations by using my memories.

This is what calms me.

 

I use this method when I undergo cancer testing and scans.

The times when I need to release anxiety.

 

I have noticed that when I’ve completed my own meditative experience, I often have my best ideas come to mind.

 

an example

 

When I’ve needing to reach out to a family member or friend. Not knowing how to handle a situation.

 

It is very affirming to me that I have reset my mind and spirit and am ready for comes next.

 

Again, there is no right or wrong way to meditate.

You don’t need to call it meditation.

 

Do the discovery that is waiting for you.  It is there for you to reach out and touch it.

Your personal journey to experiencing inner peace.

⁠ ⁠ ⁠

Beyond Frustration

When I am frustrated with life, my negative talk, meaning the voice in my head that can be self-deprecating, is yelling at me.

Can you relate?

Frustration can lead to growth.

Each day I work on remembering that we grow through life.

It all depends on perspective.

I admit there are moments that I am cursing under my breath, and I regress.

I did have one of those days recently and found myself pissed off at the world.

I was so uncomfortable in that mood, and it took several hours for me to come to the understanding of what exactly had set me off.

It was a typical day for Steve and me. We were driving through town, noticing the new building and changes that were taking place right under our noses and so quickly.

I noticed I was getting aggravated, and I had no idea why. I didn’t like the gloomy outlook that I was sitting in.

As I contemplated my mood and explored my feelings, I began to see a glimpse of the cause.

I wasn’t sure if it was something I wanted to share or could speak out loud. I was vulnerable and was worried that I would share my dark cloud by discussing it.

Later that evening, when we were talking about trivial things, I got my nerve up.

I told Steve how I ended up so angry and wasn’t sure why.

In hindsight, it is so easy for me to see the “why.”

Those emotional, scary cancer thoughts had snuck up on me once again.

You might know the thoughts.

The thoughts that show up most often as you contemplate another test.

‘Will I be here when”?

My outlook on life has changed over the years.

My perspective began to evolve before my diagnosis, and thank goodness it had.

And that is how I deal with frustration.

I examine it while crossing my fingers that, in the end, I will grow from it.

I’ve learned to give myself grace.

And that in its self is growth.

Boost of Confidence

. . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .  

How do you see yourself?

How confident are you?

I love connecting with people and hearing their stories.

I recently read “In Pieces” by Sally Fields.

Ok, in all honesty, I listened to it on @Audible.

You most likely are familiar with this famous actress, and this is her memoir.

I’m not going to give you the juicy details, but I do highly recommend you check it out.

I understood myself a little better while connecting with Sally through her own experience in life.

Our own story as a child can and will innocently create the perspective we have of who we are.

How I viewed or thought of myself was developed from the following,

Unwanted because I was placed for adoption

Not Loveable because I was a mistake.

Deformed and lucky to be adopted into a family that can afford orthodontia.

Because I am too short, it must be the reason he cheated.

Crazy, yes, but I had decided it was true.

Then at 45 years old, I learned that there was not an ounce of truth to any of these beliefs I’d developed over the years.

I’ve been grateful every day since because before that day because up until that day, I did not know who I was.

Long story short, you can move past your self-doubt and limiting beliefs. And you can become a more confident individual.

……………………..

Having a rough day? Don’t worry, most of us do!

I am and will always be a work in progress and there are moments that I forget who I am.  And I do realize that I am not the only person who struggles with my self-confidence.

I’ve listed a few things that often help me.

Remind yourself that it will pass and give yourself a mood-boosting time out.

Are you a Grey’s Anatomy fan?

Have a Meredith and Christina Yang dance party.

Think about Wonder Woman. What is your power pose?

Stand up straight, roll your shoulders back, and lift your chin.

Remember, every day is a new day.

. . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .  

Finding Peace

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Ths topic and information of this post is from an article by Lindsey Sharratt found on the tinybuddah.com website.

How to Make Peace with the Past and Stop Being a Victim

Lindsey starts with the following.

Do you usually feel as if everything wrong that can happen will happen, and it will happen to you?

You must be the unluckiest person on the face of the planet. Opportunities never work out. Doors that should open close in your face. Friends let you down. Bosses don’t see your value. There seems to be a universal conspiracy to keep you stuck right where you are now.

You feel like your life is always going to be like this.

You feel like a failure as a person.

You worry that you’re never going to be happy.

You stress that you have no control to change any of it.

And it’s all so unfair, right? Why does this bad stuff always happen to you? How come other people get all the breaks, and you never do?

If this sounds familiar, you’re probably still affected by past events that left you feeling helpless, scared, or inadequate—and you’re going to keep re-experiencing these feelings until you do something to change them.

Hello, me again!

For years I believed I was a victim of circumstance for all kinds of reasons. The outcome of that belief showed up in my life as anger and bitterness.  I lived with this belief for most of my life, and I had no idea I change this belief.

Lyndsey continues;

My Experience with Self-Sabotage

Why do I get how this works? It’s no big mystery. I’ve been there myself. In fact, at one time, I was the queen of self-sabotage.

I went from being a straight-A student to dropping out of school a year before my finals. From being a loved and spoiled child to losing touch with my family. From being confident and self-assured to needy and codependent.

What happened? I stopped thinking of myself in a positive way in response to events outside of my control. I’d always taken pride in myself, and I felt someone had taken that pride away from me.

All of these dramatic changes came from something very small—a change in my home circumstances that stopped me feeling like part of the family. Because someone in my life constantly criticized me, I lost confidence in my ability. Because I lost my security, I became chronically insecure.

Instead of feeling that I was a person of worth, with good prospects, I started thinking of myself as rejected, unwanted, and somehow less-than.

As a teenager, I was in no way equipped to deal with that. So I rebelled. And from there, my life went very rapidly downhill.

I sabotaged my jobs; I couldn’t stick anything beyond a few months. I sabotaged my first degree by dropping out. And as for relationships, I attracted every narcissistic guy around, all with the agenda of keeping myself a victim.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Have you dealt with your inner demon or are you hiding it in the back of your closet, so no one knows you have broken pieces? Are you holding on to your past beliefs about yourself? Are you ready to deal with it? Are you prepared to be vulnerable and look inside to find the person you’ve wanted to be?

Maybe you’ve hit rock bottom and that isn’t a horrible place to be.  Because now you have a choice, do you choose to give up or do you choose to move forward? I hope you choose this time to start changing the way you’re thinking about things and do something to improve your life.

Your past is always going to be something that happened to you; that doesn’t mean it needs to define you, restrict you, and dictate your future life.

How would your life change if you were only taking what was positive from the past? If you could see yourself as someone who overcame it, who chose to reject the negative self-concepts that were forced on you, who was a survivor, and not a victim?

You can do this. You, and only you, have the power. And that’s why you’re not a victim. The only person who can control this is you.

If you are ready to change your old beliefs and negative thinking Lindsey goes on to share the things that she did to become the person she was always meant to be and we all can do it too.

I suggest you finish reading Lindsey’s article where she shares her thoughts on the following;

Why “Just Let Go” Is Not the Best Advice

If you don’t completely deal with the issue it will come back and bite you in the ass. Oh, and it will happen when you least expect it. 

Being Peaceful or Being Strong?

Is it possible?

Accept who you are– But Who Are You?

I had no idea who I was without my old beliefs. It took a long time for me to figure this out.

Be patient with yourself.

As We Forgive Those…

Staying angry with others only is hurting ourselves.

Count Your (Amended) Blessings

There is always a blessing to be learned even in a shitty circumstance.

These are the things that are going to empower you to go out and change your world.

Playing with the cards stacked against you is just plain unfair. It’s time for you to even the odds.

About Lindsey Sharratt

Lindsey Sharratt is a corporate project manager whose own success inspired her psychology degree and her desire to help others. Her mission is to prove that anyone can overcome destructive experiences and achieve their life goals. Connect on her website or get her book on Amazon and start making your own breakthroughs.

The Case of The What-Ifs

 

 

Life will always have its ups and downs. How you deal with hardships and discouragement will always come down to your mindset. You can learn to change your mindset if you are willing to go through the personal growth necessary.

I recently had a young mother reach out to me. She has a similar breast cancer diagnosis and, cancer has spread to her brain. She, of course, is frightened and in panic mode.

She asked for my advice, wanting to know how to stop worrying about her situation.

I shared my experience with brain metastasis. There was relief in this woman’s voice when I explained my SRT treatment.

But her mind kept spinning, and I could tell she was still freaking out, and I was running out of suggestions to help calm her mind.

We can’t control our lives, and we certainly are unable to be in the driver’s seat when we experience a life-threatening disease.

We can do our best at finding the right doctor and treatments. Finding the necessary help, we may need for our children and families. Planning for our needs and wants regarding the end of life care.

But after all of that, there will always be a time when we have to let go.

Each person in their way and in their time will need to come to peace with their situation.

If you believe in a higher entity, this is the time put it in his/her hands.

Make the most of your life with those you love. Keep planning for the future as if you have all the time in the world.

Live to the fullest. Whatever it may be.  Wishing you the best, Shari

*Taker *Matcher *Giver –Which are you?

“We’re all on our own journey. No matter where we came from, what language we speak, the color of our skin or anything that seemingly makes us different, in the end, we’re all just humans living our own story. And it’s up to each of us to be the hero of our story, which inspires other people to do the same.”

Years ago I was asked the question, “are you giver or a taker”. This was not an easy question for me to answer.

 

“We’re all on our own journey. No matter where we came from, what language we speak, the color of our skin or anything that seemingly makes us different, in the end, we’re all just humans living our own story. And it’s up to each of us to be the hero of our story, which inspires other people to do the same.”

Years ago I was asked the question, “are you giver or a taker”. This was not an easy question for me to answer.

However, I did realize I was more of a taker than a giver. That self-knowledge didn’t make me feel too good about myself, but I learned from that hard lesson. And I decided to make some changes.

Here is a question for you…

Giver, Taker, or Matchers – Which are you?

Maybe you need some help to determine which describes you best.

Takers are self-focused and put their own interests ahead of others’ needs. They try to gain as much as possible from their interactions while contributing as little as they can in return.

Matchers like to preserve an equal balance of giving and taking. Their mindset is: “If you take from me, I’ll take from you. If you give it to me, I’ll give it to you.”

Givers are others-focused and tend to provide support to others with no strings attached. They ask themselves, “How can I add value for this person? What can I contribute?”

Have you ever been guilty of judging someone who is begging on the street corner?  I know I have.

The following are three things that I have learned that are helpful to keep in mind when practicing random acts of kindness.

First, a lesson that I have learned is that we never should assume what someone’s situation or story is.

And second, don’t ever expect someone to give back because it takes all of the fun out of giving in the first place.

And last, the kindness muscle needs to be exercised consistently. If you want kindness to become a daily natural action.

Here are ten fun ideas to get you started with your Kindness Matters project.

Remember to enjoy yourself!

  1. Have a cold drink ready for the mail or delivery person.
  2. Purchase socks and hand them out to homeless people. Steve and I have done this, and they genuinely appreciate this small gesture.
  3. When you are in line at the drive-thru.
  4. Purchase someone’s drink or lunch, which is in the car behind you.
  5. Leave some cash on someone’s windshield.  Steve and I love this one. We’ve done this at a Walmart parking lot. We left 20 dollars on the windshield and under the wiper so it would not blow away. Then we sat in our car and watched the person who would return to their vehicle.
  6. Send a text to someone you haven’t spoken to for a while. Don’t expect a reply. Let the person know the significant part they are in your life.
  7. Write a gratitude letter.
  8. Invite someone to coffee or lunch as your guest.
  9. When you are filling up your gas tank, pay for someone else’s gas as well.
    Make a meal for someone.
  10. Purchase McDonald’s hamburgers and give them away to homeless individuals.