Fear is to be understood

 

 

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 —

This is a loaded statement.

The elephant in the room that people are not comfortable talking about is death.

I believe that anyone who is traveling on a late-stage cancer road, death is a conversation they are willing to have.

Or at least that is my experience.

Mind you, not everyone wants to hear what I have to say about it. And sometimes I walk away, biting my tongue because of the uneasiness that it has caused.

People who know me well will confirm that. 

I am always an open book.

If you don’t want to hear my opinion, you shouldn’t ask me.

My argument if I really need one,

is it is time to understand more,⁠ ⁠so that we may be fearless?⁠ ⁠ ⁠ 

When I say understand more, I’m not saying my thinking is right or wrong.

It is merely what I have found to be the truth for myself.

How do we understand our fear or at least accept our fear?

Inner peace

What brings me peace when I think of my fear “death” as my example won’t necessarily feel the same for you.

I have learned to develop an inner-peace through my experience.

Over time I’ve found what works for me. I refer to it as “my personal way” of mediation.

 

This is the beautiful thing about meditating — 

It is what you decide it is for you.

 

Sitting still in a room and trying to meditate has never worked for me.

 

A few years ago, I noticed that when I was disconnected or found myself in an unfamiliar physical space– my thoughts were less restricted. 

 

I was training my mind to way to drift into a different place.

 

When I have the opportunity to be in the silence of nature, my own meditation process becomes very natural.

Laying in an MRI machine is obviously the furthest thing from being in the great outdoors.

But I’ve learned to trick my brain.

 

Whatever it takes to “let go,” this is when my mind clears of the everyday thoughts.

 

I begin by moving my thoughts to gratitude.

 

I use memories that bring my loving, grateful, and peaceful moments.  

This helps my mind to go from one grateful thought to another.

 

Each time I’ve had the opportunity to travel, I collect memories specifically to recall for a needed time.

This works well for me.

When I need to, I can mentally and emotionally travel to different destinations by using my memories.

This is what calms me.

 

I use this method when I undergo cancer testing and scans.

The times when I need to release anxiety.

 

I have noticed that when I’ve completed my own meditative experience, I often have my best ideas come to mind.

 

an example

 

When I’ve needing to reach out to a family member or friend. Not knowing how to handle a situation.

 

It is very affirming to me that I have reset my mind and spirit and am ready for comes next.

 

Again, there is no right or wrong way to meditate.

You don’t need to call it meditation.

 

Do the discovery that is waiting for you.  It is there for you to reach out and touch it.

Your personal journey to experiencing inner peace.

⁠ ⁠ ⁠

Assisted Living & Salt & Vinegar Chips


⁠We snuck in a short visit with dad.

If you know my dad

First when he says jump,

you ask how high?

You don’t tell this man no.

My mother died last July. They had been married for 66 years.

My dad is 90 years old and yes his health went downhill especially after mom had passed.

Like most of us would be at 90 years old he is extremely stubborn. Well, he always has been.

He made a decision for himself to move into an assisted living home.

We are so grateful he made that decision.

Honestly, he doesn’t like his kids doing anything for him.

I think his choice to make the move was simply so that we weren’t all trying to take care of him. And we wouldn’t need to do everything for him.

He would rather pay someone else to do it.

He seems happier with this situation.

That being said he is obviously

So bored

The assisted living home has kept all of its residents free from the coronavirus to date.

They are serving all meals in their rooms.

They are practicing social distancing.

IF they leave to even go to a doctor’s appointment they are put in quarantine for 14 days.

Even at his age and in his health dad expects a lot from himself and his body.

When the weather allows he walks around the complex all day long.

We can drop off his favorite treats for him.

I talk to him almost every day and he will always say he doesn’t need anything.,

Then he will call and ask for diet coke and salt and vinegar chips.

So we make our run to get him what he has requested plus something extra that I know he likes.

I’ll call his cell when the goodies are in the building.

Then he always tells me I’ll be right there.

Don’t leave. Wait for a minute I’ll be right there.

Ten minutes later he appears from around the far corner of the property.

We were happy we had Fred with us.

He gave him some much-needed attention while we distanced ourselves from him.

I realized that Fred was more than likely the first breathing body that Dad had touched for how long?

A heartbeat and warm stinky breath

That thought is so sad for all the individuals who are isolated even with people so close by.

We stood outside with Dad in the sun and just enjoying the fresh air.

Knowing dad was happy to have a little company. And especially the love of a dog.

Then some lady appeared out of the blue. She told us we were breaking the rules and needed to leave.

So we did.

And we most likely will do it again.

 

A Four Letter Word

 

I’ve struggled with acne my entire life.

I am 56 years old, and I’m not talking about the occasional hormonal breakout, but the painful deep-rooted underground mounds that have formed over and over again.

I’ve spent thousands of dollars over the years looking for the answer.

In my opinion, organic, clean products are the best choice you can make.

I have found my go-to products that have helped. But my acne has been stubborn to clear up.

I almost hate to mention this, and I am knocking on wood that I am not jinxing myself.

Since having my explant surgery, I am noticing a difference in my complexion.

Since my surgery date on December 12. I have not experienced my day to day acne breakout.

Wow, after all these years.

I have heard that acne has been a complaint of many women who have had breast implants.

I am sharing three photos taken.

If you swipe (all the way) left, you will see a photo from the evening before my surgery. The discoloration from years of acne is noticeable. But also, look at the puffiness of my eyes.

The other two photos I took in the past week.

Like I mentioned, acne has been minimal since the surgery.

My complexion is getting a chance to recover and heal.

The puffiness of my eyes has diminished.

After having implants for 30 years, I don’t expect things to change overnight. And along with my side effects from cancer treatments, I have a lot to deal with.

But it is the little improvements and changes that make the difference in our day to day lives.

I am happy to answer any question you may have about my experience with my explant surgery.

If you are interested in any of the “clean” makeup and skincare products that I am using and really love, I am happy to share that information as well.

Beyond Frustration

When I am frustrated with life, my negative talk, meaning the voice in my head that can be self-deprecating, is yelling at me.

Can you relate?

Frustration can lead to growth.

Each day I work on remembering that we grow through life.

It all depends on perspective.

I admit there are moments that I am cursing under my breath, and I regress.

I did have one of those days recently and found myself pissed off at the world.

I was so uncomfortable in that mood, and it took several hours for me to come to the understanding of what exactly had set me off.

It was a typical day for Steve and me. We were driving through town, noticing the new building and changes that were taking place right under our noses and so quickly.

I noticed I was getting aggravated, and I had no idea why. I didn’t like the gloomy outlook that I was sitting in.

As I contemplated my mood and explored my feelings, I began to see a glimpse of the cause.

I wasn’t sure if it was something I wanted to share or could speak out loud. I was vulnerable and was worried that I would share my dark cloud by discussing it.

Later that evening, when we were talking about trivial things, I got my nerve up.

I told Steve how I ended up so angry and wasn’t sure why.

In hindsight, it is so easy for me to see the “why.”

Those emotional, scary cancer thoughts had snuck up on me once again.

You might know the thoughts.

The thoughts that show up most often as you contemplate another test.

‘Will I be here when”?

My outlook on life has changed over the years.

My perspective began to evolve before my diagnosis, and thank goodness it had.

And that is how I deal with frustration.

I examine it while crossing my fingers that, in the end, I will grow from it.

I’ve learned to give myself grace.

And that in its self is growth.

Boost of Confidence

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How do you see yourself?

How confident are you?

I love connecting with people and hearing their stories.

I recently read “In Pieces” by Sally Fields.

Ok, in all honesty, I listened to it on @Audible.

You most likely are familiar with this famous actress, and this is her memoir.

I’m not going to give you the juicy details, but I do highly recommend you check it out.

I understood myself a little better while connecting with Sally through her own experience in life.

Our own story as a child can and will innocently create the perspective we have of who we are.

How I viewed or thought of myself was developed from the following,

Unwanted because I was placed for adoption

Not Loveable because I was a mistake.

Deformed and lucky to be adopted into a family that can afford orthodontia.

Because I am too short, it must be the reason he cheated.

Crazy, yes, but I had decided it was true.

Then at 45 years old, I learned that there was not an ounce of truth to any of these beliefs I’d developed over the years.

I’ve been grateful every day since because before that day because up until that day, I did not know who I was.

Long story short, you can move past your self-doubt and limiting beliefs. And you can become a more confident individual.

……………………..

Having a rough day? Don’t worry, most of us do!

I am and will always be a work in progress and there are moments that I forget who I am.  And I do realize that I am not the only person who struggles with my self-confidence.

I’ve listed a few things that often help me.

Remind yourself that it will pass and give yourself a mood-boosting time out.

Are you a Grey’s Anatomy fan?

Have a Meredith and Christina Yang dance party.

Think about Wonder Woman. What is your power pose?

Stand up straight, roll your shoulders back, and lift your chin.

Remember, every day is a new day.

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*Taker *Matcher *Giver –Which are you?

“We’re all on our own journey. No matter where we came from, what language we speak, the color of our skin or anything that seemingly makes us different, in the end, we’re all just humans living our own story. And it’s up to each of us to be the hero of our story, which inspires other people to do the same.”

Years ago I was asked the question, “are you giver or a taker”. This was not an easy question for me to answer.

 

“We’re all on our own journey. No matter where we came from, what language we speak, the color of our skin or anything that seemingly makes us different, in the end, we’re all just humans living our own story. And it’s up to each of us to be the hero of our story, which inspires other people to do the same.”

Years ago I was asked the question, “are you giver or a taker”. This was not an easy question for me to answer.

However, I did realize I was more of a taker than a giver. That self-knowledge didn’t make me feel too good about myself, but I learned from that hard lesson. And I decided to make some changes.

Here is a question for you…

Giver, Taker, or Matchers – Which are you?

Maybe you need some help to determine which describes you best.

Takers are self-focused and put their own interests ahead of others’ needs. They try to gain as much as possible from their interactions while contributing as little as they can in return.

Matchers like to preserve an equal balance of giving and taking. Their mindset is: “If you take from me, I’ll take from you. If you give it to me, I’ll give it to you.”

Givers are others-focused and tend to provide support to others with no strings attached. They ask themselves, “How can I add value for this person? What can I contribute?”

Have you ever been guilty of judging someone who is begging on the street corner?  I know I have.

The following are three things that I have learned that are helpful to keep in mind when practicing random acts of kindness.

First, a lesson that I have learned is that we never should assume what someone’s situation or story is.

And second, don’t ever expect someone to give back because it takes all of the fun out of giving in the first place.

And last, the kindness muscle needs to be exercised consistently. If you want kindness to become a daily natural action.

Here are ten fun ideas to get you started with your Kindness Matters project.

Remember to enjoy yourself!

  1. Have a cold drink ready for the mail or delivery person.
  2. Purchase socks and hand them out to homeless people. Steve and I have done this, and they genuinely appreciate this small gesture.
  3. When you are in line at the drive-thru.
  4. Purchase someone’s drink or lunch, which is in the car behind you.
  5. Leave some cash on someone’s windshield.  Steve and I love this one. We’ve done this at a Walmart parking lot. We left 20 dollars on the windshield and under the wiper so it would not blow away. Then we sat in our car and watched the person who would return to their vehicle.
  6. Send a text to someone you haven’t spoken to for a while. Don’t expect a reply. Let the person know the significant part they are in your life.
  7. Write a gratitude letter.
  8. Invite someone to coffee or lunch as your guest.
  9. When you are filling up your gas tank, pay for someone else’s gas as well.
    Make a meal for someone.
  10. Purchase McDonald’s hamburgers and give them away to homeless individuals.