When Estrogen goes from Friend to Foe

 

 

We all have our dates – dates that no matter how hard we try, we’ll never forget the sounds in the room, and the feeling in your stomach the moment you either experienced complete bliss or absolute trauma.

 

For me, it was April 22, 2016.

 

It was 8:30 in the morning when my right breast was firmly pressed for the mammogram.

By 9:00, the radiologist was telling me I am going to need an oncologist and surgeon, and the words you have cancer came out of his mouth.

That was that and off to work and the rest of my life.

 

Fours years ago, cancer disrupted my life.

It was just ten days later when I first heard the words metastatic breast cancer but I had no idea what that meant.

 

I made a decision just days later on how I would choose to understand what this diagnosis would mean for me.

 

I had already learned through life experiences that depending on how I chose to tell my story would determine the life I lived moving forward.

I can not look into the future, but I can look into myself.

 

I can ask myself questions. The same concern often pops into my mind.

Who am I, and who do I want to be.

 

People ask what keeps me moving forward.

I do believe that miracles happen every day.

I know that I can create miracles.

 

More important for me is to keep in mind that life’s journey may not always be straight or perfect.

 

My path is full of missteps, lessons, and at times suffering.

 

But honestly whose isn’t?

 

This life of mine is pretty incredible.

Difficult?

Sometimes.

Conflicting and confusing?

For sure!

A little heartbreaking at times?

 

Maybe, still, I think I’ll keep going, you know, to see what happens next.

 

Yes, when you find you have pulled the card and the hand of terminal illness, it changes you.

 

When you make a decision to change how you look at the world, you change the way the world looks at you.

 

Today is April 22, 2020, and I am marking it as my Four-year Cancerversary

 

My wish for you all this next year is filled with love and health.

Shari

Beyond Frustration

When I am frustrated with life, my negative talk, meaning the voice in my head that can be self-deprecating, is yelling at me.

Can you relate?

Frustration can lead to growth.

Each day I work on remembering that we grow through life.

It all depends on perspective.

I admit there are moments that I am cursing under my breath, and I regress.

I did have one of those days recently and found myself pissed off at the world.

I was so uncomfortable in that mood, and it took several hours for me to come to the understanding of what exactly had set me off.

It was a typical day for Steve and me. We were driving through town, noticing the new building and changes that were taking place right under our noses and so quickly.

I noticed I was getting aggravated, and I had no idea why. I didn’t like the gloomy outlook that I was sitting in.

As I contemplated my mood and explored my feelings, I began to see a glimpse of the cause.

I wasn’t sure if it was something I wanted to share or could speak out loud. I was vulnerable and was worried that I would share my dark cloud by discussing it.

Later that evening, when we were talking about trivial things, I got my nerve up.

I told Steve how I ended up so angry and wasn’t sure why.

In hindsight, it is so easy for me to see the “why.”

Those emotional, scary cancer thoughts had snuck up on me once again.

You might know the thoughts.

The thoughts that show up most often as you contemplate another test.

‘Will I be here when”?

My outlook on life has changed over the years.

My perspective began to evolve before my diagnosis, and thank goodness it had.

And that is how I deal with frustration.

I examine it while crossing my fingers that, in the end, I will grow from it.

I’ve learned to give myself grace.

And that in its self is growth.