Ths topic and information of this post is from an article by Lindsey Sharratt found on the tinybuddah.com website.
How to Make Peace with the Past and Stop Being a Victim
Lindsey starts with the following.
Do you usually feel as if everything wrong that can happen will happen, and it will happen to you?
You must be the unluckiest person on the face of the planet. Opportunities never work out. Doors that should open close in your face. Friends let you down. Bosses don’t see your value. There seems to be a universal conspiracy to keep you stuck right where you are now.
You feel like your life is always going to be like this.
You feel like a failure as a person.
You worry that you’re never going to be happy.
You stress that you have no control to change any of it.
And it’s all so unfair, right? Why does this bad stuff always happen to you? How come other people get all the breaks, and you never do?
If this sounds familiar, you’re probably still affected by past events that left you feeling helpless, scared, or inadequate—and you’re going to keep re-experiencing these feelings until you do something to change them.
Hello, me again!
For years I believed I was a victim of circumstance for all kinds of reasons. The outcome of that belief showed up in my life as anger and bitterness. I lived with this belief for most of my life, and I had no idea I change this belief.
Lyndsey continues;
My Experience with Self-Sabotage
Why do I get how this works? It’s no big mystery. I’ve been there myself. In fact, at one time, I was the queen of self-sabotage.
I went from being a straight-A student to dropping out of school a year before my finals. From being a loved and spoiled child to losing touch with my family. From being confident and self-assured to needy and codependent.
What happened? I stopped thinking of myself in a positive way in response to events outside of my control. I’d always taken pride in myself, and I felt someone had taken that pride away from me.
All of these dramatic changes came from something very small—a change in my home circumstances that stopped me feeling like part of the family. Because someone in my life constantly criticized me, I lost confidence in my ability. Because I lost my security, I became chronically insecure.
Instead of feeling that I was a person of worth, with good prospects, I started thinking of myself as rejected, unwanted, and somehow less-than.
As a teenager, I was in no way equipped to deal with that. So I rebelled. And from there, my life went very rapidly downhill.
I sabotaged my jobs; I couldn’t stick anything beyond a few months. I sabotaged my first degree by dropping out. And as for relationships, I attracted every narcissistic guy around, all with the agenda of keeping myself a victim.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? Have you dealt with your inner demon or are you hiding it in the back of your closet, so no one knows you have broken pieces? Are you holding on to your past beliefs about yourself? Are you ready to deal with it? Are you prepared to be vulnerable and look inside to find the person you’ve wanted to be?
Maybe you’ve hit rock bottom and that isn’t a horrible place to be. Because now you have a choice, do you choose to give up or do you choose to move forward? I hope you choose this time to start changing the way you’re thinking about things and do something to improve your life.
Your past is always going to be something that happened to you; that doesn’t mean it needs to define you, restrict you, and dictate your future life.
How would your life change if you were only taking what was positive from the past? If you could see yourself as someone who overcame it, who chose to reject the negative self-concepts that were forced on you, who was a survivor, and not a victim?
You can do this. You, and only you, have the power. And that’s why you’re not a victim. The only person who can control this is you.
If you are ready to change your old beliefs and negative thinking Lindsey goes on to share the things that she did to become the person she was always meant to be and we all can do it too.
I suggest you finish reading Lindsey’s article where she shares her thoughts on the following;
Why “Just Let Go” Is Not the Best Advice
If you don’t completely deal with the issue it will come back and bite you in the ass. Oh, and it will happen when you least expect it.
Being Peaceful or Being Strong?
Is it possible?
Accept who you are– But Who Are You?
I had no idea who I was without my old beliefs. It took a long time for me to figure this out.
Be patient with yourself.
As We Forgive Those…
Staying angry with others only is hurting ourselves.
Count Your (Amended) Blessings
There is always a blessing to be learned even in a shitty circumstance.
These are the things that are going to empower you to go out and change your world.
Playing with the cards stacked against you is just plain unfair. It’s time for you to even the odds.
About Lindsey Sharratt
Lindsey Sharratt is a corporate project manager whose own success inspired her psychology degree and her desire to help others. Her mission is to prove that anyone can overcome destructive experiences and achieve their life goals. Connect on her website or get her book on Amazon and start making your own breakthroughs.
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